Brain Damage

I have brain damage. I think I caught it at work. I’ve been working a lot of extra hours this week. I have 397 emails in my inbox at the moment…68 are urgent and require my immediate attention…how do you give immediate attention to 68 different things?…my brain is reaching capacity. 

We use 10% of our brains or something like that (although, I’m pretty sure highly evolved being that I am, I’m pushing the 11.3% boundary), whatever my allotment of brain space may be I’m using 99.7% of it for work to keep all my current information straight and hopefully avoid any major screw ups on my part. Major screw ups on the behalf of others is far preferable reputation-wise despite any cursing and extra work it may cause me indirectly…I digress.  

So with only 0.3% of usable space in my brain left over for mundane day to day items such as cooking, knowing where I left my phone and inconvenient little bits like speaking, I am developing a severe case of brain damage. It is most commonly manifested in my inability to communicate anything not work related.

Well spoken and articulate with all and sundry in the corporate community, I come home and fail to grasp simple words like “laptop” and "fan" leaving my vocal chords to stammer incomprehensibly to people around me about moving the “foldy-machine-thingy” (read: laptop) and turning off the "whirly-bit" (read: ceiling fan).

These aren't isolated incidents. It’s happening all the time. My brother isn’t sure how he knows what I’m talking about some days, I think he just follows my line of vision and assumes what I’m referring to. Anyone who’s known me for years will tell you I can’t write anything, ever, without leaving words out even if I proof read. Most of my friends I’m sure don’t even notice it anymore they just mentally substitute whatever they think I meant without batting an eyelash. But now I’m leaving out entire sentence fragments! And God help me if I’m typing a letter/email at work and someone is talking to me.  

Yesterday I was writing an email to an account trying to explain why a reconciliation was still pending [read: late] and someone started speaking to me about a cup of tea I'd left nearby…subsequent email was very nearly sent with a line that read: “difficulty reconciling the RA deductions as we are currently drinking.” Classy.

Do Over!

The year thus far has been filled with aggravation and sleep deprivation. I've barely slept the last two nights due to a combination of delayed flights and unwanted drama. Therefore, I am taking the following actions to ensure I don't write off 2006 immediately.

Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of your life...its also 1st January as far as I'm concerned. I'm voiding the last three days. Hence tomorrow, to the rest of the world, will be 5th January but for me it will be 1st of January. Tonight, I am going to leave work on time, and go straight to bed to catch up on sleep. When I wake up...it will be a new year.

I'm sure this transition will accomplish the mental state I require to move forward in life and ask you all to bear in mind when we make plans that I'm now on a different calender (just like the Chinese). 28th February to you, will be 24th February to me. I apologize for the inconvenience of you're having to manage dual calenders but appreciate your dedication to our friendship.

In fact to add some spice, and in keeping with the Chinese, I may change my year also. 2005, for example, will be referred to as "Year of the University Degree"; 2004, "Year of the Hospital"....2006 of course will be "Year of the Do-Over". Happy New Year!