Alright, you got me- I'll be the first to admit my sense of humour is slightly, well, off. But you've got to give me credit for some great witty remarks over the years. Those of you who know me seem to appreciate it but I'm feeling a little under-appreciated on the humour front by strangers whom I cater to.
For example, when being rung up by an elderly man at Home Depot a year or so back, he eyed me suspiciously as I purchased of 3 XL back belts and a massive amount of black electrical tape, I was certain he thought I using my company credit card unethically for accoutrements of some illicit sex act that I was prepping for. Having thought this, when he rung me up I winked at him and said "Don't worry, it's only illegal in three states!" Not a whisper of amusement from him.
Today, I was at a hamburger joint picking up a late lunch for myself and a co-worker. We ill-advisedly ordered our burgers with no mustard, no tomatoes and what have you, which apparently threw the cook staff in complete chaos and disorientation so our fast food took about twelve minutes to arrive. Twelve minutes is an eternity at a drive through I assure you, and it doesn't even qualify as medium paced food… it barely ranks as mall walker speed in my book. So, it's finally delivered and the bloke says "Sorry it took so long." To which I replied, "No worries. Did the cow put up a struggle?" Silence. Just a complete blank look staring back at me. Come on! That was a good one!
But my piece de resistance, my crowning glory of witty remarks, also went un-appreciated and for this I weep.
A few years ago, I was at the gynecologist's office having one of those annoying annual check ups. The doctor was this tiny frail old woman who was about 102… or 68 or something. After the check up she says to me and I quote "You have a very healthy vagina." And in lightening fast time I said, "Well thanks, I make sure it eats right and get plenty of exercise!" My best line ever, perhaps, and it was completely lost on this little old woman with her "that's nice, dear" demeanor who will never repeat it to a friend whilst hooting with laughter or tell it to a colleague so that my razor sharp retort becomes legend in the medical world. Nope, she probably won't even remember me …and I'm standing in gynecologist's office so there aren't exactly an abundance of friends nearby to testify to my stunning wit that day.
It's a crying shame, I tell you.
