Post Hoc Ergo Propter Hoc

I-Tunes: Disc burner or software missing...
Me: It's there, the same place its been the last 1,200 times you've burned something. There! In that folder between the programme files and drivers!


Before annoying I-Tunes error:



After annoying I-Tunes error:



Final stages of 'trouble shooting' completed:




I am now well hacked off and I'm going to bed. If ANYONE has heard of a way to fix the I-Tunes error that causes the message "Disc burner or software not found" on I-Tunes as well as the insanely annoying inability to suddenly burn ANYTHING, please let me know. Even Apple's tech support forum doesn't seem to have the answer.

If not, I'd appreciate someone lending me a blow torch so I can get some enjoyment out of my laptop...

With Regards to the Neighbours

You're a stay at home Mum. That's great, an admirable profession. What you're not is in the military. So, explain if you would please, why you feel it's necessary to drive a Hummer? A huge, honkin' H3 Hummer? 

The reason I ask is that while you may not have noticed, what with your busy schedule and chasing kiddies around the house and such, it's become quite evident to me that you're actually not invading a small country. You're just dropping your daughter off at figure skating practice and buying groceries. Would that assessment be accurate? That's a 'no' on invasion, then?

The Dreaded Lurgy

Well, it's a been a week now. And I'm still sick. ::cough::cough::inhale::cough::

I spent Wednesday in bed, with my laptop, instead of at work and essentially all day was spent practicing my moaning (death scene not sex scene variety in case there was any confusion in my neighbours minds).
On the bright side... is there a bright side? Er, ok, well the fever's gone. That's good news. I'm no longer forced to walk around my apartment wearing two layers topped off with a hooded sweatshirt and blanket while people ask meekly if they can put a fan on since I've refused to have the air conditioning on. So that's something I suppose.
I also no longer resemble this:

which is how I've spent most of the past 4 days feeling and more regrettably looking.

Alas, it's now turned into a cough in the chest over the weekend which I shall tell you now, from a seven-time bronchitis winner and three-time runner up, is not good news. Tomorrow, I will finally venture to a clinic for some sort of antibiotic. Since my voice is now back at least I'll be able to tell them what's wrong with me.
 

The War at Home

At precisely 8:48pm last night, an explosion rocked Pinellas county. The reverberations reached me all the way in my living room, shaking me to the core. Under normal circumstances, I would have been both astonished and horrified at the prospect of the blast originating in my own kitchen but my brother is staying with me so I wasn't quite as surprised as one might think.

"What," I cried, "in the hell was that?"

"Nothing," called back the voice in the kitchen.

'Nothing,' as it turns out, was actually an egg. A hard boiled egg to be exact, which having resided in the refrigerator until short moments before the incident, was being heated for the purposes of a quick nibbly.

My brother, it should be pointed out, is not a complete idiot. The egg heating began with 20 seconds in the microwave. I mean, how many seconds could it possibly take to heat a single cold hard boiled egg sans shell? I think 20 seconds was an alright start to be honest. Where the wheels fell off though, is when he discovered that 20 seconds did not, in fact, a warm egg make.

Enter a mild case of idiocy: rather than try half that again, he re-programmed the lone egg for another full dose and then some, 25 additional seconds. At no point did it enter his mind what might happen to a single egg micro-waved for a 45 full seconds on high.

To be fair, I hadn't exactly considered the ramifications of exploding eggs in much depth either, but then I wasn't the one programming the microwave. Fast forward.

BANG!

"What," I cried, "in the hell was that?"

"Nothing," called back the voice in the kitchen.

"That did not sound like nothing," I answered.

"Er, it was, ah, an egg…" came the trailing answer.

I ventured over to the kitchen, pleasantly surprised to note that the impact hadn't knocked frames off the wall or caused systematic damage throughout the entire area. It did, however, break plastic Tupperware with what I can only describe as 'considerable force.'

The heart of every funny story contains some element of exaggeration. The exploding egg and the Tupperware wreckage are a true story with very little exaggeration.

It would appear that the weapons of mass destruction have been hiding in my fridge this whole time.

A single egg and Tupperware lid were inadvertently harmed in the making of this blog.

A Short and Fairly Concise Rant

I just can't take it anymore. I have to say this before I spontaneously combust in public. I'm standing in line for my lunch Friday, watching everyone else for lack of anything better to do until it's my turn to order, when I spot another bloke wearing a stupid bluetooth earpiece whilst not having a conversation. I say 'another' because they're everywhere. I want to walk up to them one by one and tap them on the shoulder: "Pardon me, you do know you look like a complete prat walking around like that, right?"

I mean it's one thing if you're actually using the thing and having a phone conversation. It's another if you're talking to someone who's standing in front of you or just walking around wearing it IN CASE your phone happens to ring. If you're in an office on the phone all day using it, okay. But take it off when you're not working. I just can't stand it. It's akin to wearing a condom round all day just IN CASE you happen to meet someone you end up shagging.

It's alright to leave the condom in your pocket until the moment you need it. It is also perfectly acceptable to leave the bluetooth earpiece in your pocket UNTIL the phone rings, you pretentious bastard. Just because it doesn't have a wire attaching it to phone doesn't mean you don't look like some ridiculous Star Trek borg-defect wandering around blockbuster.

The Weekend Wrap

I went to my first Sox game in an age. I've been to handful of Red Sox games at Fenway and yet have never seen them win a game in person. That's over stating it though… I've never even see them play well in person! They've been spanked, losing by 9, 10, 11 runs. The only benefit was paying for a bleachers seat and ending up 3 rows behind the dug out by the 5^th inning!
 

So Saturday night, I went to see them in St. Pete against the Devil Rays. Strangest thing though, I walked in and there were THOUSANDS of Red Sox fans. You couldn't turn around without stepping on someone wearing some sort of Sox merchandise. It was just so very bizarre to witness when they were on the road and I'm walking in with my Red Sox cap on expecting to catch lip from frat boy Devil ray fans. Whenever the Sox did something great (surprise, surprise, I saw a little bit of greatness in person this time), the Sox fans completely drowned out the Rays' fans. And when the Rays did something good (unexpected though it was), their celebrations were completely over ridden by hostile Boston fans. To make it even more a baffling experience for me, Boston won which NEVER happens when I go to see them. Obviously I'm only allowed to watch in person on the road!? Anyway, complete twilight zone episode overall. Below...Mr. J. Varitek... [for KD].

..

On Sunday, I went fishing….which is good, I like fishing and I haven't been at all this year. I particularly like fishing when it's warm out and I can multi-task by both fishing and cooking (me, not the fish, I like to be tan). The part of fishing that eludes me personally is the mentality that you have to fish in the rain or at 2am to do it properly. It's just not necessary. I can fish perfectly well in the light of day at 3pm whilst tanning. Occasionally, I'll even catch something. The point of this is that I agreed to go fishing for the day on Sunday with my Dad, his mate and some other people. A day fishing? Brilliant, count me in.  

The part of the 'fishing itinerary' which was apparently not explained very well was that I'd be home by lunch, I must have missed that part and the dangerous meaning behind it. I got home from the Sox game (a night game of course) and set about deciding what to make for sandwiches, my Dad tells me we don't need sandwiches. " Of course we need sandwiches," I replied, "we'll be hungry at lunch time." And my father tells me we'll be home at lunch time. WHAT? How can we possibly be home at lunch time? I thought we were going fishing for the day, you know like 5 or 6 hours, we'll need sustenance surely. He explains to me that I need to be up at 4am. WHAT? 4 am? That's not morning, that's nighttime! No one said anything about nighttime. My father regularly gets up at such times and considers me to be wasting my day off if I sleep paste 8 am. He has, for as long as I can remember, functioned perfectly well with a fraction of the sleep most of us get. I, on the other hand, turn into an axe wielding psychotic grizzly bear after too many night of only four hours sleep or less.

So now I'm looking at my watch in horror because it's already nearly 12:30 am and all I can think of is Monty Python's 'Four Yorkshiremen' sketch with Eric Idle going "I used to have to get up in the morning at 10 o'clock at night a half an hour before I went to bed." So I did. Get up at 4 am. And I insisted on taking a shower before we left because otherwise I couldn't chisel my eye lids apart. And we did go fishing. And we fought many honourable battles against the ocean's greatest warriors and here is what I have to show for it….

Oh, and I guess I have this to show for it too which is proof that it's not that bad to be up at 4am... once the grizzly bear syndrome wears off.  Maybe.

Invitation

Invitation

You are cordially invited to a meet and greet social for all residents!

Date: Wednesday 18^th April, 2007

Time: 3:15am – 5:00am (approximately)

Location: Building Parking Lot

Attire: Informal (Casual and Sleepwear are acceptable)

RSVP NOT NECESSARY as social will be marked by fire alarm sounding throughout the entire duration in order to facilitate full participation of all residents.

Come on out and meet your neighbours!

~ Property Management

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This is how my day started. On the upside, I've finally met some of my new neighbours since moving in back in November. On the downside, it was dark and we were all asleep so I'm not convinced we'll actually recognize each other in broad daylight anyway.